Survivor

By: Monique Mattiace

Fort Lauderdale resident Damaries Cruz, 37, contracted HIV from her fiancé at 21-years-old in 1991. No medication and 17 years later­, Cruz calls herself a walking vitamin as she lives her life helping others.

“My father is the King, I’m untouchable,” Cruz tells herself and others.

While living in Puerto Rico at 18-years-old Cruz had her first HIV/AIDS test, which she tested negative to, before marring her ex-husband. At 21-years-old Cruz was divorced and getting ready to marry her new fiancé. As Cruz and her fiancé were about to have unprotected sex he ensured her he tested negative to HIV/AIDS.

A year after having intercourse with her fiancé, Cruz suffered from severe yeast infections and non stop bleeding between her menstrual cycles. Her doctor, who was confused and concern because none of the treatments were working, thought she had cancer.

“I think you may have cancer. We have to do a biopsy. I know you don’t have HIV /AIDS but lets test you for it anyways just to rule it out,” said Cruz reenacting what her doctor told her.

On Nov. 23, 1991, Cruz had what she calls her second birthday. Her doctor in Puerto Rico gave her one year to live when she tested positive for HIV. All Cruz remembers that day is the room spinning and telling the person who gave her the results to check again. Cruz traveled to New York six times to get tested before she accepted the fact she had HIV.

Later that day on Nov. 23 when Cruz got home and told her fiancé she tested positive for HIV she learned he knowingly had HIV/AIDS when he slept her that day a year ago.

“I knew I was going to take someone with me, but I didn’t know it was going to be you,” Cruz said her fiancé told her when she told him she was positive.

Cruz decided to forgive her fiancé and marry him anyways. A week before the wedding she caught him sleeping with another woman on their bed. Cruz called of the wedding. Two years later he died from HIV/AIDS.

That whole year Cruz suffered from severe depression. Her mother cleaned her and spoon fed her after she refused to move from her bed to get up and use the bathroom. Cruz imagined herself thinning away, pale and all the other stigmas associated with HIV/AIDS. But one day as she looked at herself in the mirror, it finally hit her. She looked the exact same way as she did before she contracted HIV, she was Damaries Cruz and nothing had change. Except that now she had a chronic disease she had to live with for the rest of her life.

It was around that time when Cruz’s life took a 180 degree turn after she decided to go on a spiritual retreat. On the retreat a preacher called her out amongst the crowd. According to Cruz, he said someone in the audience tested positive for HIV. He said it was a woman and gave her age and the date she was diagnosed. Other people stood in the crowd and tried to claim the blessing. He said no to all of them until Cruz stood up and said, “It’s me.” She walked up to the preacher and he prayed for her and told her to help others.

“He saved my soul,” Cruz said.

“If it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t be here today,” Cruz went on to say.

Cruz moved to Florida to treat alcoholism. She has been hypnotized three times but finally she conquered her battle and is a nine year recovering alcoholic.

Cruz, who worked at the Broward Health Department, spent four years going to Florida’s five main jails to speak to woman who were waiting to see their husbands or boyfriends. She taught them the basics of HIV and made them aware that their men are having sex with other men while locked up. After all, her fiancé contracted HIV/AIDS while in jail and in return gave it to her. She also spent time helping inmates deal with HIV/AIDS and would receive multiple calls at 3 a.m. from the jail when one would try to commit suicide.

Cruz also visited Florida International University and other local schools where she educated students on HIV/AIDS and shocked them when she told them she had the virus.

Now Cruz is starting a new job at the Miami-Dade Health Department as the Senior Health Director.

Two years ago Cruz acquired AIDS when her t-cells dropped to 163. Once an HIV patient’s t-cells drop below 200 they’re considered to have AIDS. Her doctor and friends thought once she received AIDS she would finally go on medication.

“Give me three weeks, I’ll be back,” Cruz told her doctor. Three weeks later Cruz did come back with an increase in her t-cells at 250.

“It’s not the quantity of life, it’s the quality,” Cruz said when referring to why she doesn’t take medication.

Cruz doesn’t tell others not to take medication for the virus. She said it is her personnel decision and that everyone’s body and immune systems work differently. She looks at medication as toxins coming into her body. People that she knows on medicine are always sick and no doctor can promise that she won’t have any side effects. So, she chooses not to take it.

Instead Cruz takes Chinese herbs, supplements, vitamins and protein shakes everyday. Her diet consists of fish, lots of greens and whole grains, and her doctor fully supports her.

Cruz may have been diagnosed with AIDS but she will not claim she has it. Besides her diet, her state of survival is mind over body.

Cruz goes to an acupuncturist every week and sees a hypnotist where she does exercises visualizing the virus going down and her t-cells coming up. Everyday Cruz puts on a smile. She believes her attitude plays a huge role in her health. “I try to stay happy,” Cruz said.

Cruz considers herself a little kid. She takes pleasure in the small things in life. She loves walking, reaching out to people, television, movies but most of all she loves sleep.

“I’m tired all the time but most of the time I try not to think about it,” Cruz said.

Overall, Cruz is a normal happy healthy woman in a 10 month relationship with a man she loves. She lives in an apartment, and like everyone else she hates doing laundry of which she has to share the utilities with everyone on her floor.

Visit Monique's Blog